I'm powerless. And they know it.
It began shortly after last year's visit by the Pope. Whatever dragged me into my bedroom wall and spit me out on the other side, it stripped me of my Mojo.
Fuck. It sucks. I've tracked down very little information regarding the ritual, The Purification. It's also known as a "tarpit baptism." It's pretty much a high fiber colon cleanse of the arcane kind. I guess I should consider myself lucky. Everything I've read says the loss is instantaneous and results in madness. I've been capable of exorcism, but with less and less success, and am I mad? Honestly not sure. So don't know if this speaks to their skill or my primary attempts to banish the mark, but life has been hell for the past six months.
It happens like this. You know that sensation you get when you're with a special someone (or in my case utterly alone) and things are getting sweaty and heavy, and you're about to... you know? Well, when I got a spook in my sights, and those words are rolling out and I can feel this vibe from the ground running into my legs, reaching up and grabbing my hands, running up my backbone, into my brain, and that euphoric sensation when you're about to... you know?
BLAM!
It's like a sniper puts a bullet through my brain. Nowadays the pain put's me on the ground. It started off just as numb headaches. Now the pain lasts about three days; needles behind my eyes. It's awful.
And as I said, the deadly ones know this dandy has been declawed. I feel them following me. Hear them while I sleep. And the shame of it all. Faces push forward from walls, sidewalks, tree bark and mock me, leering and laughing. Whispering and hissing.
But the passive ones. The ones I used to talk to, bid goodbye to softly and serenely. They're too weak to even see me, to realize I'm there to help them. I'm invisible to them. They'll stand there for an eternity before stepping in front of that moving truck, or flying a kite on an overcast day, over and over and over. And I can't set them free.
Its gone. All of it. So... welcome back.
Life sucks.
